Windows jokes and sayings2
Computers are like air conditioners, they stop working properly if you open Windows.
My SPARCstation has air condition. No need to open windows.
Windows Source Code
Windows means "Work is never done on Windows systems"
Customer: I'm running Windows...
Helpdesk: Yes...
Customer: ...and now my computer stopped working !
Helpdesk: Yes, you already said that.
Never trust an operating system you don't have sources for.
"Windows for dummies", another term of "this sentence no verb"
Micro$not broke Volkswagen's world record: Volkswagen only made 22 million bugs !
IBM creates Operating Systems - MS-DOSn't
Have you reinstalled your Windows today ?
How do you fix all Windows bugs at once ?
mke2fs /dev/sda1
deltree /y \
Windows the most popular virus on the market today.
Windows - Plug and pray...
Windows - The colorful clown suit for DOS
Windows - a solitaire game that requires 16 MB and HD
Windows - The best $89 solitaire game you can buy !
BTW: Like Unix freaks like the logout in the .login file,
Windows users like the SHELL=C:\WINDOWS\SOL.EXE line in their SYSTEM.INI file. %-))
Windows - so intuitive you only need a meg of help files !
If Windows is user-friendly, why do you need a 678-page manual ?
"Fer sail cheep, Windows spel chekcer, wurks grate"
The word "Windows" is a word out of an old dialect of the Apaches. It means: "White man staring through glass-screen onto an hourglass..."
Windows =Waste in DOS WorkSpace
Bang on the LEFT side of your computer to restart Windows
Alt-F4. Just do it.
C:\ONGRTLNS.W95
Double your drive space: Delete Windows !
Micro$not is to Software as McDonalds is to Cuisine
Does someone know the cheats for Windows ?
This is an airconditioned room - Do not open Windows !
This virus requires Micro$not Windows
Linux VirusScan -- "Windows found: Remove it ? [Y,Y]"
Favorite Windoze game: "Guess what this icon does ?"
Windows95 - crash compatible on Windows 3.x
Windows NT - Nice Try
Windows - a virus with mouse support
Windows is for fun, Linux is for getting things done
Windows vs Linux = Michael Jackson vs Mike Tyson
The nice thing about Windows is - It does not just crash, it displays a dialog box and
lets you press 'OK' first.
Micro$not is not the answer. Micro$not is the question. "No" is the answer !
McAfee-Question: Is Windows a virus ?
No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:
They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.
Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.
Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.
Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.
Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2.) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too.
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences:
Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.
So Windows is not a virus. It's a bug.
Last words of a Windows user:
Why does that work now ?
Where do I have to click now ? - There ?
Guess what this icon does...
Message box: "Data not completely delete ? Yes - No" --- User: "No - ey - Yes"
Micro$not gives you Windows... Linux gives you the whole house
Some windows were made to be broken
Turn your 486 into a Gameboy: Type WIN at C:\>
Data to Picard: "No, Captain, I do NOT run WINDOWS !"
Bugs come in through open Windows
Windows will also have artificial intelligence, e.g.:
Unable to FORMAT A: Having a go at C:
Can't Compress Hard Drive but don't worry I'll delete all files over size 50,000 that'll give you some space.
How do you make Windows faster ? --- Throw it harder !
Windows95 is out ! (PC Magazine, April 2013)
Windows95: New look, same multicrashing
Windows95 will be released as soon as Windows 3.1 finishes loading
Windows - Every function is a restart function...
Windows does really have preemptive Multitasking: It can boot and crash at the same time.
Windows NT - Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty
Windows NT ? New Technology ? I don't think so...
Windows - Just another pain in the glass
Windows - Turn your Pentium into an XT...
Windows - The Gates of hell
Windows - From the people who brought you EDLIN !
Windows - a XT emulator for an AT
If Windows sucked it would be good for something
DOS is just an operating system that runs Windows
DOS 6.0 and Windows 3.1 - A turtle and its shell
Windows Multitasking - screwing up several things at once
Windows found - remove ? (Y)es (S)ure (F)ine (O)K
Windows has the ability to screw up 2 things at the same time !
If I wanted Windows, I'd live in a greenhouse !
Micro$not's marketing: "Windows is SEMI-shareware"
Are you using Windows or is that just an XT ?
Have you crashed your Windows today ?
Relax... you are entering a windows free zone
Linux... Opens up Windows, shuts up Gates
New from McAfee: WinScan - Removes all Windows programs
New Windows 4.0: programmed in Turbo Logo++
My latest screen saver: Curtains for Windows
If Windows 95 doesn't start shipping soon, it might be Curtains 95.
Masochist: Windows programmer with a smile !
I'll never forget the 1st time I ran Windows, but I'm trying...
I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better
I can't wait for EDLIN to be ported for Windows
Father, forgive me, I've been caught using Windows...
Exhibitionists love Windows
Despite my car having windows, it still isn't mouse driven !
Breaking Windows isn't just for kids anymore...
Beat me, whip me, make me use Windows !
A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle
Difference between a virus and windows ? Viruses rarely fail.
Newsflash: Micro$not announces Visual Edlin for Windows
Time on your hands ? Get Windows !
Hiroshima '45 - Tschernobyl '86 - Windows '95
What's the best of Windows ? The deinstaller !
Why is the Pentium 2000 so fast ? - It's for booting faster, if Windows crashed again.
What is the difference between Jurassic Park and Micro$not ? - One is an over-rated high tech theme park based on prehistoric information and populated mostly by dinosaurs, the other is a Steven Spielberg movie.
How many Windows PC owners does it take to change a lightbulb ? Just one, as long as you explain it's Plug'n'Play... they get confused if it doesn't come with a driver disk...
How do Micro$not employees exchange a bulb ? Not at all... Bill Gates declares darkness as a standard.
Help ! There are Windows everywhere ! In my car, my house
Ever noticed how fast Windows runs ? Neither did I !
Mouse not present - click twice to continue...
Who the fuck is General Failure ? And why is he reading my harddisk ?
What's the difference between windows and highly destructive unstoppable virus ?
About 90 Megs of hard disk space.
Coming soon: EDLIN for Windows
I've got two Windows hardware emulators ! Really ! They works much more reliable than the original: one for Windows 3.11, one for Windows 95. Unfortunately they have superscriped the emulator keys wrongly, so that on the Windows 3.11 emulator key "TURBO" and on the Windows 95 emulator is written "RESET"... But doesn't matter, works great.
Windows, it's not pretty, it's not ugly, but it's pretty ugly.
Source:
http://www.xs4all.nl/~gelderen/micros/texts/jokes.html
My SPARCstation has air condition. No need to open windows.
Windows Source Code
Windows means "Work is never done on Windows systems"
Customer: I'm running Windows...
Helpdesk: Yes...
Customer: ...and now my computer stopped working !
Helpdesk: Yes, you already said that.
Never trust an operating system you don't have sources for.
"Windows for dummies", another term of "this sentence no verb"
Micro$not broke Volkswagen's world record: Volkswagen only made 22 million bugs !
IBM creates Operating Systems - MS-DOSn't
Have you reinstalled your Windows today ?
How do you fix all Windows bugs at once ?
mke2fs /dev/sda1
deltree /y \
Windows the most popular virus on the market today.
Windows - Plug and pray...
Windows - The colorful clown suit for DOS
Windows - a solitaire game that requires 16 MB and HD
Windows - The best $89 solitaire game you can buy !
BTW: Like Unix freaks like the logout in the .login file,
Windows users like the SHELL=C:\WINDOWS\SOL.EXE line in their SYSTEM.INI file. %-))
Windows - so intuitive you only need a meg of help files !
If Windows is user-friendly, why do you need a 678-page manual ?
"Fer sail cheep, Windows spel chekcer, wurks grate"
The word "Windows" is a word out of an old dialect of the Apaches. It means: "White man staring through glass-screen onto an hourglass..."
Windows =Waste in DOS WorkSpace
Bang on the LEFT side of your computer to restart Windows
Alt-F4. Just do it.
C:\ONGRTLNS.W95
Double your drive space: Delete Windows !
Micro$not is to Software as McDonalds is to Cuisine
Does someone know the cheats for Windows ?
This is an airconditioned room - Do not open Windows !
This virus requires Micro$not Windows
Linux VirusScan -- "Windows found: Remove it ? [Y,Y]"
Favorite Windoze game: "Guess what this icon does ?"
Windows95 - crash compatible on Windows 3.x
Windows NT - Nice Try
Windows - a virus with mouse support
Windows is for fun, Linux is for getting things done
Windows vs Linux = Michael Jackson vs Mike Tyson
The nice thing about Windows is - It does not just crash, it displays a dialog box and
lets you press 'OK' first.
Micro$not is not the answer. Micro$not is the question. "No" is the answer !
McAfee-Question: Is Windows a virus ?
No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:
They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.
Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.
Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.
Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.
Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2.) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too.
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences:
Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.
So Windows is not a virus. It's a bug.
Last words of a Windows user:
Why does that work now ?
Where do I have to click now ? - There ?
Guess what this icon does...
Message box: "Data not completely delete ? Yes - No" --- User: "No - ey - Yes"
Micro$not gives you Windows... Linux gives you the whole house
Some windows were made to be broken
Turn your 486 into a Gameboy: Type WIN at C:\>
Data to Picard: "No, Captain, I do NOT run WINDOWS !"
Bugs come in through open Windows
Windows will also have artificial intelligence, e.g.:
Unable to FORMAT A: Having a go at C:
Can't Compress Hard Drive but don't worry I'll delete all files over size 50,000 that'll give you some space.
How do you make Windows faster ? --- Throw it harder !
Windows95 is out ! (PC Magazine, April 2013)
Windows95: New look, same multicrashing
Windows95 will be released as soon as Windows 3.1 finishes loading
Windows - Every function is a restart function...
Windows does really have preemptive Multitasking: It can boot and crash at the same time.
Windows NT - Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty
Windows NT ? New Technology ? I don't think so...
Windows - Just another pain in the glass
Windows - Turn your Pentium into an XT...
Windows - The Gates of hell
Windows - From the people who brought you EDLIN !
Windows - a XT emulator for an AT
If Windows sucked it would be good for something
DOS is just an operating system that runs Windows
DOS 6.0 and Windows 3.1 - A turtle and its shell
Windows Multitasking - screwing up several things at once
Windows found - remove ? (Y)es (S)ure (F)ine (O)K
Windows has the ability to screw up 2 things at the same time !
If I wanted Windows, I'd live in a greenhouse !
Micro$not's marketing: "Windows is SEMI-shareware"
Are you using Windows or is that just an XT ?
Have you crashed your Windows today ?
Relax... you are entering a windows free zone
Linux... Opens up Windows, shuts up Gates
New from McAfee: WinScan - Removes all Windows programs
New Windows 4.0: programmed in Turbo Logo++
My latest screen saver: Curtains for Windows
If Windows 95 doesn't start shipping soon, it might be Curtains 95.
Masochist: Windows programmer with a smile !
I'll never forget the 1st time I ran Windows, but I'm trying...
I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better
I can't wait for EDLIN to be ported for Windows
Father, forgive me, I've been caught using Windows...
Exhibitionists love Windows
Despite my car having windows, it still isn't mouse driven !
Breaking Windows isn't just for kids anymore...
Beat me, whip me, make me use Windows !
A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle
Difference between a virus and windows ? Viruses rarely fail.
Newsflash: Micro$not announces Visual Edlin for Windows
Time on your hands ? Get Windows !
Hiroshima '45 - Tschernobyl '86 - Windows '95
What's the best of Windows ? The deinstaller !
Why is the Pentium 2000 so fast ? - It's for booting faster, if Windows crashed again.
What is the difference between Jurassic Park and Micro$not ? - One is an over-rated high tech theme park based on prehistoric information and populated mostly by dinosaurs, the other is a Steven Spielberg movie.
How many Windows PC owners does it take to change a lightbulb ? Just one, as long as you explain it's Plug'n'Play... they get confused if it doesn't come with a driver disk...
How do Micro$not employees exchange a bulb ? Not at all... Bill Gates declares darkness as a standard.
Help ! There are Windows everywhere ! In my car, my house
Ever noticed how fast Windows runs ? Neither did I !
Mouse not present - click twice to continue...
Who the fuck is General Failure ? And why is he reading my harddisk ?
What's the difference between windows and highly destructive unstoppable virus ?
About 90 Megs of hard disk space.
Coming soon: EDLIN for Windows
I've got two Windows hardware emulators ! Really ! They works much more reliable than the original: one for Windows 3.11, one for Windows 95. Unfortunately they have superscriped the emulator keys wrongly, so that on the Windows 3.11 emulator key "TURBO" and on the Windows 95 emulator is written "RESET"... But doesn't matter, works great.
Windows, it's not pretty, it's not ugly, but it's pretty ugly.
Source:
http://www.xs4all.nl/~gelderen/micros/texts/jokes.html
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